“This being human is a guest house
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they are a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out for some new delight.
The dark thought, the sham, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.
Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.”

Years ago I came across this helpful summary of relationship guidelines based on the work of David Schnarch (author of Passionate Marriage).

“Differentiation” has to do with our ability to distinguish between our issues and those of our partners.

It’s so easy to blame others for our own dissatisfaction. We feel a lack in our lives and get upset that others aren’t supplying what is lacking. I’ve noticed especially in relationships this tendency gets magnified.

Here are highlights of steps to take towards creating healthy, well differentiated relationships:

1. Stop blaming your partner. It only makes you sound like a helpless victim. When you close that avenue in your life, many new ones will open. You will start putting your attention on yourself where it will do the most good.

2. Ask yourself about your own happiness. What isn’t working for you? How can you take charge of your life?

3. How are the current relationship issues made worse by you, your attitude, your timing, your way of looking at it, your inability to ask for what you want vulnerably, your defensiveness, your impatience, or your unexamined life?

4. Confront yourself not your partner. This will change your life. Are you living your own integrity? Are you the person you want to be? Are you living up to being the best you?

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I’ve always been curious about astrology. Every year my uncle/godfather prepares my astrological chart and spends an hour going over what Pluto is doing in the 7th house and how Mercury is rising, etc. etc. Given that I don’t know what any of this means, these explanations usually shoot right by me.

A few years ago I began to notice that many of my detail oriented friends happened to be Virgos, and many Virgos I met happened to be neat freaks, so I began to take notice.

Maybe there’s something to astrology after all. In the spirit of exploration, I decided to try out sample reading from Astrology.com and fork over a few bucks for a reading or two. A $12 “Career Path” report yielded the following excerpt:

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Many creative marketing projects get underway without a clear sense of expectations between the marketing folks requesting the project and the creative folks delivering upon it, resulting frequently in lost time and expensive rework.

A marketing brief is the best way for the marketer to clearly lay out a framework for the creative team. The process can be driven by either side – creative or marketing – but both sides need to agree on the brief before the work can commence.

Here’s the Creative Brief Template (click here for printable version) I used at Apple Computer for many years.

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A year ago this month, my housemate and dear friend for many years, Elisabeth Targ, MD, was diagnosed with brain cancer, a condition which rapidly progressed until it overtook her last summer.

It was Easter weekend when the results came back from the MRI of the golf ball sized tumor on the right hemisphere of her brain.

A year ago today she was recovering from her surgery to remove the tumor, was walking without pain, doing yoga every morning, beaming as much love as she could to all who came to visit. She was asking forgiveness of everyone, including me, whom she felt she had slighted or wronged.

The enormity of what she was facing weighed down on all of those of us around her. Spring was here, the daffodils, tulips, and roses in the garden were all blooming. ET came into my room after a shower, and laid down naked on a towel, telling me about her future plans with her husband-to-be, our other housemate, Mark.

I listened with as much love as I could, trying not to let my fear of the future jinx her chances for a miraculous recovery and the possibility of the fulfillment of her dreams. She laughed about her nudity, telling me she didn’t care anymore and hoped I didn’t mind.

It’s the small moments I remember.