Vengeance and Being Born Again

Tonight at dinner I was reflecting with my father how vengeance seemed to be such a driving force in the world. I’ve just finished reading “Charlie Wilson’s War” about how US Rep. Charlie Wilson had almost single handedly procured billions of dollars of appropriations money to fund the Afghan rebels fighting the Soviets who were occupying their land. To Charlie it didn’t matter that tens of thousands of young Russian men were being sent home to their mothers in body bags, often after brutalizing deaths at the hands of the Afghans. To him it was revenge for Vietnam and the Soviet-backed North Vietnamese. For Gust Avrakotos, Charlie’s Greek colleague in the CIA, his actions were also motivated strongly by revenge, part of his Greek heritage. The Afghans were brutal to the Soviets they caught – raping them, skinning them alive, etc., all for revenge.

I once read a book called, “Don’t Get Mad, Get Even.” Very funny book, a light-hearted and creative approach to keeping oneself from petty victimization. Moral – if you attempt to cheat me, I will cause you public humiliation until you back off. Not so bad of a message; it’s how we as a culture keep people in line, keep individuals from making life difficult for all of us.

But some people are really driven by vengeance, people who go through life spending their time looking for ways to mess up other people’s lives for wrongs both real and imagined.

I don’t experience this kind of vengeance. And although I would probably like to believe that this is because I’m a good person, it’s probably more a result of never being deeply hurt. It used to be when I was hurt by someone, for example a “man who done me wrong”, I would be very sad for a long time. As I’ve grown older I’ve discovered the healing properties of anger. I get angry, I create a wall shutting the cause of pain out. Eventually the anger dissolves. I let go, get on with my life, and ignore the parts that ever caused pain. But vengeance is something else, beyond anger to protect, it’s anger directed to hurt or destroy. It’s planned; it’s methodical; it can last a lifetime.

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Who Was J.R.R. Tolkien? – Fr. John Folmer

Father John Folmer, of the Sacramento Catholic diocese, gave a fascinating lecture this evening on John Ronald Reuel Tolkien (pictured left), author of The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings. These are my notes from the evening.

Fr. Folmer became acquainted with Prof. Tolkien in the mid 60s, when he was a theology student in Europe, through Tolkien’s son John, a Catholic priest. Fr. Folmer described an interaction in which he had told Prof. Tolkien that everyone he met in Germany kept on trying to get him to pronounce his name in a more German way. Tolkien then recounted a story of when he was in the first World War. After a battle he came across an injured German officer and in German, asked him if he would like some water. The officer replied that he would. And after Tolkien brought him some water, the officer proceeded to lecture Tolkien regarding his German pronunciation.

Tolkien was born in South Africa and returned to England with his mother and younger brother when he was three. His father died in South Africa before he could rejoin them. His mother received help from both sides of the family to raise her family, until she converted to Catholicism, which alienated both sides of the family from her. She died of diabetes when Tolkien was still quite young and JRR (Ronald as he was known) and his younger brother were taken care of by a Catholic priest from the Birmingham Oratory, founded by John Henry Cardinal Newman.

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Sharlene Hector – I Wish

Coca-Cola Company has scored a winner with a new feel-good ad that’s been playing these Olympics. When I first saw the commercial I was riveted. Who was that woman? What a gorgeous song! The answers lie, thankfully, at the Coca-Cola website. Her name is Sharlene Hector; she’s a UK singer. The song is I Wish I Knew How It Would Feel To Be Free, popularized by Nina Simone in 1967, composed by Richard Lamb and William Taylor.

The Hector version is not yet available on iTunes (What a missed opportunity Coca Cola!!!). You can buy the imported single from Amazon.com. The Nina Simone song is available at iTunes, plus several other artists’ versions.

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I’ve Got Better Things To Do

A couple of summers ago I had the great fortune to be able to help a friend of mine a few hours a week with her Montessori pre-school. As the eldest of six kids growing up, loving children and not having my own, this experience was a welcome break from my usual high-tech reality. What so amazed me was that each of these 20 or so 3 and 4 year olds was a vast and extraordinary universe in and of him and herself. All of humanity’s emotions, joys, despairs, and conflicts were played out every day in our little classroom.

My favorite student (and as much as teachers try otherwise, we all have our favorites) was a 4 year-old girl named Zoe. She sparkled with intelligence and enthusiasm and displayed unusual grace and maturity for her age. Everyone loved Zoe. So I was surprised one day when, during lunch, she asked to sit next to another student, Matthew (not his real name), and he ignored her, not letting her in. He continued to ignore her that day, even when Zoe asked him point blank, “Matthew, my feelings are hurt that you won’t play with me. What did I do wrong? Why won’t you play with me?”

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Seven Commandments for Being an Extraordinary Person

26 years ago, I spent two weekends in an remarkable workshop that eventually developed into what is now known as The Forum, by Landmark Education. My main insight at the time, which has served me well throughout my adult life, is that the way I see the world, my belief-system, is only just one view, one perspective, how my mind makes order out of the universe. Everything I know to be true is just my interpretation. This insight helped crack my mind wide open, allowing me to thoughtfully entertain new ideas, adopting them for my own if they worked for me, and letting go of intellectual prejudices that no longer served me.

The second insight was that I, and only I, was responsible for my experience, happiness, and life. I could never again blame anybody else if I didn’t like the way my life was working out.

Pretty good for a 17 year old.

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The Hamptons – I’m Nobody, Who Are You?

Spent Memorial Day in The Hamptons, New York City’s version of Martha’s Vineyard. (NYkers may take issue with that comparison, as, since NYC is the center of the world, MV would be Boston’s version of the Hamptons. It’s all amusing to me, a Northern Californian, where in the summer more people go TO the city during the weekend than leave it.) Found myself at a party on Saturday night hosted by the publisher of Gotham, LA Confidential, and other fine, extra large glossy magazines showcasing celebrities and parties. Found myself wandering in and wondering of the spectacle of many tan lithe twenty-somethings with gorgeous clothes and bodies to match. Kept wondering why a video camera was pointed my way until I noticed that I was standing behind James Lipton, the guy from the Actor’s Studio. Other notable attendees included Tina Louise (Ginger from Gilligan’s Island) and Ivana Trump. Finally managed to congregate with other fellow wonderers (what are we doing here?) and was able to relax and enjoy the party. Later a friend emailed along this poem by Emily Dickinson. Seems like they had spectacle parties in her time as well…

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